As a woman, you’ll have to face this reality: at some point in your life, people are going to ask about your biological clock. And that’s pretty fucked-up.
I believe I might be protecting my child without him/her being born yet
After Cardi B’s pregnancy announcement on SNL last weekend, opinions started to seriously split. Whether it’s about her fiancé Offset and all the cheating rumors (not only rumors as it seems), or about her future musical career. People pretend to be worried, skeptical and sound therefore quite mean and overall, their minding other people’s business.
This whole thing made me wonder, why is that when Beyoncé announced her pregnancy the world stopped and stared? Why isn’t Cardi getting celebrated the same way? Motherhood is still seen as a punishment to some women, but a blessing to others. It depends who we’re talking about. And for those who don’t want children at all, there is another kind of treatment too.
This issue is bigger then Cardi B or Beyoncé, this is a real pressure girls and women feel.
As a woman, you’ll have to face this reality: at some point in your life, people are going to ask about your biological clock. Maybe some of you girls have already been there. It’s alright to question about a woman’s opinion on motherhood. But people don’t ask anymore, they impose.
“You’re getting older, now is the time”
“You guys have been married for so long now, how about a baby?”
“A single child feels alone… how about a second one?”
This is a private matter. It’s not a public discussion for your enjoyment. For all you know, the woman might be sterile, might have aborted, might have, might have…
This issue made me think about the women that consciously make the choice of not wanting children and how they perceive this. For this occasion I asked my friend M.P. (that’s how we’re going to call her) to give me her sincere opinion on motherhood. Her response to my simple question was so overwhelming I had to make this article about girls who, like her, have a so-called unpopular opinion on motherhood.
Very simply put: not all women desire to become a mummy. The fact that girls have to justify this choice, is a real invasion of their privacy. Taking this choice is not dodging the responsibility of being a woman, which is a part of the human reproductive system. It’s quite conscious and incredibly mature. And here’s MP’s raw and honest opinion on it:
Well, motherhood is a very delicate subject, even today. When I tell people I don’t want to have children, I’m immediately told that I will for sure change my mind, or that I’m considered a “kid hater”, which is absolutely ridiculous. I don’t hate kids. Babies are wonderful, kids are wonderful; only most parents suck at educating. I think I would be a good mother, I honestly do. People are always quick to assume I don’t want kids because I hate them, because I want complete independence, because I’m a feminist, because because because.
It’s not that simple; it’s not very difficult to understand either. I wouldn’t want my children to have a depressed mother – I don’t want to deal with the responsibility of a child and for a child to witness my disease. I have seen it happen, and it never ends in some romantic-all-was-well kind of way.
I don’t want to bear children into this fucked-up world; I can barely deal with it myself, how am I supposed to teach a child to do so? Is this selfish? Maybe. I don’t know. In some way, I believe I might be protecting my child without him/her being born yet.
Most importantly though, it is absolutely no one’s business if I want a kid or not. It simply isn’t. You have absolutely no right to ask a woman “so, when’s a baby coming? hahahaha”. This is a private matter. It’s not a public discussion for your enjoyment. For all you know, the woman might be sterile, might have aborted, might have, might have, might have. Motherhood is every woman’s individual issue, and no one has shit to say about it. It is not because you can bear a child, that you should. It is not because you don’t want to bear a child, that you are an insensitive cold-hearted bitch. You are a human being, with needs, desires and fears, and no one can judge you for it.
Cardi B, Beyoncé, your neighbor or friend… Motherhood is a private subject that not everyone is comfortable with and your opinion is not always required either. As someone who wishes to become a mum one day, I support both sides. Motherhood can indeed be the best human experience one can go through, but it can also become a burden if the appropriate conditions are not in place. Not to talk about the physical transformations a pregnant woman goes through and the risks she’s taking at that moment. All of these matters, the idea of having a child… are sensitively personal and the space holding them is particularity fragile due to pressure coming from outside.
This also, is part of women’s freedom.
coverphoto: painting by Helen Verhoeven // Bonnefantenmuseum Maastricht, NL